Initially, all I could do was float over the sea of faces, in awe of how many old friends and family members are on Facebook. Soon, I was commenting on photos and reading what others had to share. Exchanging quips with my niece was fun; as soon as I made my presence known, she wrote, "There goes the neighborhood!" Of course, I translated that to mean, "Oh, my beloved aunt, I'm so glad you finally decided to join Facebook!" Her comment marked the beginning of old home week, and immediately, I became part of a ready-made, reunited community.
Until I got into the swing of things, I felt like a voyeur; however, I finally figured out that people let me see what they want me to see -- in most cases, that includes a photo of them and their families, unique pictures they have taken, announcements of special events, and brief exchanges with friends, which you can 'like' or 'comment' on. Those of us who are new friends may have to guess what they're talking about or who's who in the family/friend line-up...that is, if we care to take the time. Facebook requires time some of us didn't think we had; but when you're among friends, it's amazing how fast the time goes.
It didn't take too long to learn how Facebook works. With one click per person, I re-connected with high school and college chums; and with another click, I un-friended one of them. Several days in a row, he and like-minded pals were getting high on politically motivated anger, never giving thought to the fact that their vitriolic comments might alienate a whole lot of 'friends'. They can believe what they want and are free to share it with the world; but I don't choose to be greeted with hatred the minute I open Facebook. Does this childhood acquaintance know I gave him the boot? Maybe he does, but I'll venture to say, he couldn't care less and won't miss one face among a couple hundred.
The thing that strikes me the most is the number of 'friends' (in quotes because, in this case, I consider it a loose use of the word) some people have. How can one possibly count hundreds of people as friends? Four, five, six hundred -- I don't think I even know that many people. On the other hand, if I want to get word out about Soul Portrait, which is a primary reason I joined Facebook, I'd better get used to the fact that a great many of my future 'friends' will start out as complete strangers. There are public and private options that come with Facebook accounts, but I'm still in the process of deciding what's best for me and who belongs in which category.
Some might say I'm making much ado about nothing, but this is still new to me. I can engage in the process, remain a passive onlooker, or completely disengage from the process. I also have to figure how much time I'm willing to contribute. Knowing loved ones are only a click away -- sharing their activities, thoughts, and photos -- makes Facebook worthwhile. We've made our soul connections through the years and Facebook is an added bonus, a reminder that we aren't all that far away. I remind myself if we need to talk at length, we can call or e-mail.
Facebook is for fast connections, not soul connections. I would always choose soul connections over fast connections, but the latter are simpler. Facebook makes it easy to touch base with someone you haven't seen for 40 years. You make your presence known; she answers how good it is to hear from you, and asks where are you now; and you move on to the next person you haven't seen for 40 years, perhaps never saying another word to either one any time soon. We know the other person is there, that our past is still in tact and our memories shared; but neither of us has the time or energy to try to fill in four decades of life-details.
Superficial chit-chat is difficult for me because it's so....well, superficial. I much prefer meaningful connections; but knowing that isn't possible, I attempted to find a middle ground with one guy from high school. My message to him was briefly conversational, with one or two questions that would encourage him to respond. I haven't heard from him since. I've received the 'friend' response from several people without one word exchanged. Finally, I tested the waters by writing a couple notes, but to no avail. When nothing is said, and only a face appears on your page, you wonder, 'why bother?' Are we making connections or not? Do these people truly want friends or are they just collecting faces as if they were stamps? And does it really matter, as long as we have access to each other's page? I hope I get used to this; but I can see why some people have let their pages go idle.
One man I know and tried to 'friend' responded by e-mail and told me he was afraid he had let too many weeds grow on his page and wasn't using it much these days. Was I another weed? He did not 'friend' me (and contrary to those who have hundreds of friends and can't begin to keep track, I know when I'm being ignored). This gentleman and I e-mail a couple times a year, so I knew we wouldn't lose touch. I admit, I wanted to work up to 50 friends and he would have made 48; but the very fact that I'm even looking at numbers makes me feel like I've entered some kind of competition. There are just some people who attract more people; and I say, ''More power to ya.' Still, a name will pop into my head just as I'm falling asleep and I know I'm going to try to find that person on Facebook; when they aren't there, I'm disappointed.
Facebook can be great fun or just another chore, depending on one's attitude and energy. I want to let certain people know I'm right here and thinking about them often. Everyone on my friend list is important to me, whether they are there because they care about me, want to learn more about my book and blog, or feel the need to add yet another face to their first 400. Their motives don't concern me, as long as they're getting something out of it. What does matter to me is why I'm there. At some point, I'll have to accept the Facebook notion of 'friend' and not worry that I'm not giving everyone quality attention....or any attention, for that matter. If I can't get to that point, I'll silently slip away.
All this begs the question, what if I go missing from Facebook? Will anyone care? More importantly, will anyone notice? I could be gone for weeks, curled up in the corner of my studio, stuffing my face with chocolate chip cookies and suffocating in swirling dust, yet none of my 'friends' would know. But for now, I'm staying put. There's something that tickles me about being a voyeur without breaking the law. I promise those of you on Facebook, I'm quiet and never stay too long. It's like a wise man once said, 'Short visits make long friends".
