Soul Portrait is many things; but first and foremost, it's about Making Aging Personal. It's about sharing the deepest part of ourselves with loved ones who may someday be our caregivers and health care advocates.
I worked in a nursing facility in the late nineties and was struck by the helplessness of the patients, people who could not communicate their needs and desires -- the very parts of them that made them uniquely human. One cannot help but put oneself in the place of a completely dependent person, which is exactly what I did. I felt overwhelmed with grief for all of us who cannot, and may never be able to, express our feelings and needs to the people who are in charge of our care.
Who knows what my favorite foods are and how I panic when I'm feeling closed in? Who cares that I meditate each day and love the poetry of Rumi and Hafiz? Aside from my husband, who knows I can't go anywhere without a good book and my knitting? These are things I'd like my family and caregivers to know about me, should the time come I can't speak for myself. Soul Portrait is the best way I can do that; it's a MAP to my soul, an easy one for family, caregivers, and friends to navigate. It's every bit as important as my Health Care Directives, both of which I keep in my fire-resistant file box.
I'm told that a friend of mine (in another blog, I called him 'Sam' -- not his real name), the day before having major brain surgery, stopped the surgeon, looked straight into the man's eyes, and spoke about his career as an artist. He emphasized how important the use of his brain and hands were for designing and creating his art. Sam asked the surgeon questions about his own work, knowing the surgeon would understand what he was saying, that they had something in common: eye-hand co-ordination played a major role in each of their lives.
Sam knew if he and the surgeon connected on a human level, the surgeon might view him as a person with a life and purpose, as opposed to an interesting surgical challenge. Maybe he thought the surgeon would take special care of him if they made a personal connection. More likely, however, is that he simply wanted to get more personal in an atmosphere that is often cold, hurried, and focused on records, x-rays, and treatment. Sam wanted to go deeper.
Most of us derive comfort through personal contact, and when circumstances threaten to make us anonymous, we are fearful. That's what Soul Portrait is all about --- letting others know more about us by encouraging them to look beyond our age, debilities, and diagnoses.
The delicate brain surgery failed, and as Sam lay dying from the ravages of a major stroke, one of his old buddies stayed by his side and became his last companion and advocate. One of the most important things this childhood friend knew was how much Sam loved classical music. He made sure the radio was on with the kind of music Sam listened to every single day while working in his studio. Still, there was so much more to know about this incredible artist.
After he died, the people who loved Sam had to piece together the sequence and events of his life, so we could figure out who he really was. He kept his life very private, which meant his relationships were also kept private. We were like the blind men trying to describe an elephant, each of us having been exposed to only one part of our friend and basing our assumptions about him on that one part.
As soon as a few of us learned of each other, we began to talk, write long e-mails, and grieve, in order to find solace in our loss. The more stories we told about Sam, the clearer the picture of the man became. Like each of us, he was multi-faceted, a different person to business associates and fellow model airplane flyers than he was to his family and intimate others. We needed to know who he was so we could celebrate his full life. And we needed each other.
Soul Portrait is not only for the Soul Portrait creator. It is also for family and friends. Soul Portrait encourages connection, empathy, love, compassion, and respect. When we know a person beyond what we see and assume about them, as family and friends we can be better advocates. As caregivers and health care providers we can deliver better care. Physical care requires sensitivity, skill, and attention to human dignity; but it is not the same as feeding the soul.
Next: Soul Portrait and Family Communication
Soul of the gorge: The Columbia River