The whole idea of compassion is based on a keen awareness of the interdependence of all these living beings, which are all part of one another, and all involved in one another. Thomas Merton
Describing how a nursing home is run and what actually takes place are two different things. Nursing home staff are generally dedicated to making life pleasant and safe for residents; but with staff retention problems, ever-changing state and federal rules, and soaring numbers of elders needing care, it is an ongoing challenge.
Families and people in the helping professions have lives separate from their responsibilities to an aging relative or their jobs as caregivers. They struggle with personal issues of their own. They, too, are lonely and afraid at times, just as are the residents. We have all met employees, professionals, and family members who are frustrated, tired, not focused on the task at hand, wanting desperately to be somewhere else, and feeling no one cares about them or appreciates what they do. But the focus on elders must remain paramount, since they are the ones receiving (and paying for) care. This presents us with a conundrum, because it is the need for attention, love, and human connection that gives helpers the necessary compassion and stamina to maintain that focus. They relate to the pain, frailty, and dependence of another person because they've been there themselves in varying degrees; it is this ability to relate that requires a new look at how we do business in aging communities and care facilities. We need to connect with one another on a more personal level, to appreciate those feelings we all have in common.
Institutional life is challenging on a good day; but when emotions run high and problems are overwhelming, we think we don't have time to tend to the people who are trying to make things better. Instead, we see them as part of the problem. By doing so, we point the finger away from ourselves. Everyone blames someone else for a responsibility we all share. While we are busy placing blame, we miss the opportunity to see what makes up an institution. At its core is a congregate of individuals. An institution is not just 200 beds filled with frail elders or disabled adults; they are separate individuals, just as are the people who deliver compassionate care -- the paid staff, the volunteers, and the families.
Improving care to the elderly must include active support of the helpers. Active support includes training, mentoring, advocating, and counseling. If we focused more on the helpers, what would happen? Would family members be less worried about the care of their loved one? Would it reduce the staff turnover rate? Would it save money? Would it increase tolerance and eliminate the opportunities for abuse? I think the answer to each of these questions is 'yes'.
Working with people day in and day out requires tact, validation, compassion, and a lot of patience. If helpers are drained of energy and hope, then we need to change the way we think about institutional care by changing the way we help the helpers.
(c) Sally Z McBain